Chumash Chaikus™

 

After the garden,
Adam was no fan of snakes.
Or apple cobbler.

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Cain killed his brother
Why did he do it? Because
Cain was not able.

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Methuselah lived.
He lived. Lived. Lived. Lived. Lived. Lived.
Then, sadly, he died.

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Noah hated cats.
Their dander made his skin crawl.
And their attitude.

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It was the termites.
Chewing wood. Insatiable.
That worried Noah.

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That’s impossible!
Cubs win the World Series?
Sarah laughed. And laughed.

****************

That’s not a knife, this
is a knife, said Abraham
To Croc’dile Dundee.

****************

Isaac. Recalling.
Feels so guilty, eating
lamb chops. Nicely grilled.

****************

The Real Housewives
of Canaan. Sarah. Rivka.
Rachel. And Leah.

****************

Joseph. With the dreams.
And with that farkakteh coat.
Enough, already.

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“Take off your sandals.
For this ground is holy ground.”
Moses burned his feet.

****************

Manna from heaven.
Delicious. Nutritious. But,
I’ll have the fruit plate.

****************

Red Sea splits. Good thing.
In such haste, who thinks to pack
Bathing suit? Beach towel?

****************

It must be so sad
to be a minor fast day.
Poor Tzom Gedaliah.

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Man’s depravity.
On display for all to see.
Yom Kippur break fast.

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Clouds blot out the sun.
Rain falls. Wind blows from the north.
Sukkot’s here again.

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Long sixth hakafa.
Arms like jelly. Won’t someone
take this Torah scroll?

****************

Eating Rocky Road.
Too late, husband asks his wife.
Is this spoon fleishig?

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Honey cake. Herring.
Dietetic kichel. Schnapps.
Kiddush for Dummies.

****************

I don’t want much, but
wish I could grow a beard like
Theodore Herzl.

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Names on temple wall.
The high and mighty donors.
My name in small print.

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Hillel and Shamai.
Tomato. Tomahto. Let’s
call the whole thing off.

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Mezuzah affixed.
To doorpost of my Prius.
Chumrah of the week.

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Mohel rules of thumb.
Bring correct tools for the job.
Measure twice, cut once.

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